I remember a funny quote in the movie, “Mulan.” : “Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow . . . ” Do you remember it? Incidentally, this rebuke is spoken by Mushu, a Chinese dragon – Mulan’s companion. Actually, dishonor is something like shame. In fact, dishonor is a strong match for shame according to a thesaurus. You might wonder if I’m going to suggest – – under no circumstances should you allow yourself to experience shame. Not so. Unfortunately, too many people don’t have healthy contrition anymore. Conversely, many people don’t know what to do with undeserved shame. Let’s explore the shame thing.
Let’s Tear Into – The Shame Thing
We always explore four categories in Scripture dissection:
- What Does It Say?
- What Does It Mean?
- Make It Personal.
- Make A Commitment.
1. What Does It Say? – The Shame Thing
Scripture says lots about dishonor. Let’s group a few Scriptures under several categories.
1. Wrongful Degradation From Others
- “Answer me when I call to You, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer. How long will people turn my glory into shame?” (Ps.4:1-2a)
- “. . . [have] a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” (1 Pet.3:16)
People (perhaps you) sometimes suffer undeserved shame from others.
2. Rightful Dishonor
- “All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled. They shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.” (Ps.6:10)
- “The righteous hates falsehood. The wicked brings shame and disgrace.” (Prov.13:5)
- “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Prov.29:15)
Shame is sometimes deserved.
3. God’s Uses Dishonor As A Tool. He Also Defends His People.
- “God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.” (1 Cor.1:27)
- “He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him.” (Col.2:15)
- “Behold . . . I will save the lame and gather the outcast. I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth.” (Zeph.3:19)
God uses shame for His purposes. He leverages grace to minimize shame on His followers. However, if they suffer shame, it’s temporary. Essentially, He increases their honor (Ps. 71:21) and comforts them.
4. Jesus And Dishonor
- “As He said these things, all His adversaries were put to shame . . .” (Lk.13:17)
- “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense. Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.” (Rom.9:33)
- “. . . [look] to Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Heb.12:2)
- “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a cornerstone chosen and precious. Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.” (1 Pet.2:6)
Jesus’ life, testimony, and character are impeccable. As a result, His life appropriately shames those who don’t honor Him. Additionally, Jesus models how to reject (despise) wrongful shame. Also, He puts adversaries to shame. Simultaneously, He protects His people.
5. Protected From Disgrace
- “Oh – my God. I trust [in You.] Let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.” (Ps.25:2)
- “The Lord God helps me. Therefore, I have not been disgraced. I have set my face like a flint, and I know I shall not be put to shame.” (Is.50:7)
- “. . . hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Rom.5:5)
- “Scripture says, ‘Everyone who believes in Him will not be put to shame.’ “ (Rom.10:11)
God protects His children from disgrace and guards their hearts. Strategically, He powerfully covers them with love. Interestingly, He turns scenarios in their favor when they suffer. Faith makes this real!
2. What Does It Mean?
Shame can be healthy. Nevertheless, it can also be unhealthy. The way you respond makes the difference.
Healthy Responses To Shame
These are healthy responses to shame.
- Turn to God in sincere humility. If you’ve been wrong, let shame do its work through another word – “remorse.” Incidentally, remorse gets you back where you should be with God and others. True remorse is a healthy motivator to –
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- Push forward into godly character.
- Be grateful for God’s undeserved grace.
- Enjoy friendship with God.
- Manage relationships and communication better.
- Accept responsibilities.
- Live in hope.
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- Ask God to break cycles of disgrace. Accept His comfort if you’ve been wrongly shamed. Remarkably, God has an uncanny way of turning events in favor of His children. Here’s what you do.
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- First, come to Him.
- Then, let go of the need to look good.
- Next, relax into God.
- Finally, ask for wisdom and strength to manage unfair dishonor.
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- Remember – shame does not define you. God defines you whether you are wrong or right. Accept God’s value over your life.
- Obey God’s Word. Go forward. God keeps His promises. Further, as already mentioned, He increases your honor (Ps. 71:21). Additionally, God shames your enemies. However, you have a part. Be thankful for His conviction when you’re wrong. Equally, be confident of His promises on your behalf if you’ve been wronged.
Unhealthy Responses To Shame
Many people don’t engage remorse for doing shameful things. How unfortunate.
Conversely, some folks get stuck in a self-reproach cycle. They spin their wheels and get nowhere.
Sadly, many people shamelessly lie, cheat, oppress, and lust after pleasures – with no embarrassment! How tragic.
Oddly, when these folks face trouble, they want God to “make it better.” Even worse, they blame God. Plus, they want “no consequences” for sins or poor choices. Essentially, they have no remorse. Consequently, they “use” God for their agenda – but don’t respond to His warnings or love.
God is fully aware of all that. Mankind often mislabels and judges. Frankly, God doesn’t like that. So, He resolutely carries out His principles in individuals and in the world. He always will, despite unhealthy responses to shame.
Healthy People
Healthy people pursue pro-active responses.
- Migrate toward maturity and growth.
- Deflect wrongful judgments of other people on them.
- Speak the truth.
- Trust God to address unfair scenarios.
- Avoid being self-centered, judging others, mislabeling, and disrespecting others.
- Know you are valued.
- Live with a balance of remorse and hope – all the time. This combo sets you free.
Open your conscience to God’s Spirit. Equally, ask Him to heal your conscience. Let Him guide your mind. Additionally, ask Him to instruct your heart. Remarkably, He “disarms” those who put you down. God saves and lifts you up when you need help – if you humbly turn to Him.
3. Make It Personal
Have you experienced dishonor somehow? You’re not alone.
Shame isn’t bad – if it nurtures you into holiness. Again, a helpful word is “remorse.”
Jesus gives suggestions.
What Does God Suggest?
Consider several suggestions to manage shame.
Suggestions
- Accept there’s an appropriate time for shame and disgrace. Are you in such a time now? Have you been self-centered? Is there sin in your life? Incidentally, if you embrace remorse, you choose a healthy path through your shame.
- God knows when you are mislabeled and judged. God wants you to reject wrongful judgments others “put onto” you. He esteems you. In fact, He says – “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jer. 31:3) Nevertheless, you decide what you let land in your soul. Trust God to disarm those against you. Actually, God will raise you up as you humbly trust Him.
- Live in God’s original design. Work against evil. Engage God ways each day. Defuse those who spread lies. Model God’s love through good works. Speak truth with generosity, kindness, and respect. Essentially, live like Jesus did.
- Embrace God’s promises. He ensures your enemies won’t exult over you. Hope in God. Focus your efforts to develop Christ-like character. Afterall, He’s given you His Spirit. Subsequently, you can accomplish your life purpose.
- Pursue a thoughtful, hopeful approach to world events, your community, your friends and family. God declares you can do all things through Christ’s strength. (Phil.4:13) So, pass it on. Choose to see others like God sees you.
4. Make A Commitment – Application Thoughts And Questions
List what you will do when degraded by others?- Deflect wrongful judgments “put onto you” by other people. Remember – God defines you.
- Jesus will deal with those who dishonor you. Live in gratitude and hope.
- God protects you from disgrace when you obey His ways. “Everyone who believes in Him will not be put to shame.” (Rom.10:11)
- What response do you need to change when convicted of sin or a misstep?
- Trust God’s methods in your life. Trust His love for you.
- Live with a balance of remorse and hope. This combo sets you free.
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